To see the winners in Category
A (10-13 years)
To see the winners in Category
B (13-16 years)
|Rank||Prize||Contestant's Name||Story Title||Story Synopsis||Judges' Feedback/ Verdict|
|1||$500 Cash Prize Publishing||Elijah Bodden||For the Sake of the Dragons||Ephyral loves to fly, but when her species is threatened, will she give up her freedom to save all of dragonkind?||‘For the Sake of the Dragons’ is an immensely beautiful and brilliantly crafted tale. The story hooks the readers from the first line and keeps their attention till the end. The story is about dragons but these dragons feel almost human. And then there are humans and these humans do not give any feeling of being humans. This is the beauty of this story. The author has brilliantly personified the dragons of this story. The readers will definitely love these creatures. On top of that, the events described in this story flow smoothly and the story reaches to a satisfactory ending at the end. Thing to consider: inclusion of some more emotional elements could have enhanced the story further. However, this is just a minor glitch and does not affect the story in major way. The author has a great potential of a great career ahead. Keep moving on.|
|2||$250 Cash Prize Publishing||Aoife Oconnell||Redemption Within the Sea||Fifteen-year-old Louisa Brixham must decide what to do with her life after committing a crime her brother was accused of.||You have committed a crime but later on start to feel guilty about the same. What will you do? Will you accept your crime or will keep blocking your self-consciousness? The story tries to answer these questions. The story is a complicated tale of fifteen year old Louisa Brixham who is trying to find answer of similar questions. She committed a crime but it is her brother who got accused for the same. Now, she has to take a decision. Either she should own the crime or let her brother suffer for a crime he didn’t commit. Depiction of inner turmoil of the central lead, which is a life-line of this tale, has been done brilliantly and the author should be complemented for that. And, mind you, depicting inner emotions is not an easy job. Even well-established authors find it hard to depict such emotions in their writings. So, hats off to this young author! Other aspects of the story like development of different characters, pace of the story, overall language, and the ending are perfect. Overall, a great read.|
|Kelsey Pizante||When the Swallow Sings||Elise Andersen is a ten year old girl living in Denmark in 1943. Her courage and resilience is tested when her family is called upon to help smuggle a Jewish family to safety from the Nazis.||‘When the Swallow Sings’ tells us the tale of a courageous girl, who helps smuggle a Jewish family to safety from the Nazis. The story has a poetic beauty and the author has a unique style of writing. Inclusion of a poem adds another charm to this lyrical beauty. While the theme of this story is not an easy one to write, the author successfully does that. The story has all the basic elements that a good story should have. The story has a proper structure, characters have been developed well, dialogues are good and the way the story concludes is also praiseworthy. The use of vocabulary was also spot on. So, one can see that the author has almost done a perfect job. The only thing that could have been improved upon was the pacing of the storyline.|
|4||Publishing||Sivaranjani Velmurugan||Snowflake||This is the story about a young girl who developed a powerful bond with a goat.||Sivaranjani has excellent storytelling ability. Using a simple subject of human’s cruelty towards non-human animals; she has crafted a powerful tale. She has a natural voice and maintained a steady pace throughout the story. She has also been successful of keeping the attention of the readers, which has been a very important aspect of storytelling. While the emotional aspects of the story could have been worked further on, the young author has been successful in not only creating impactful characters but also portraying their sensitive sides. The relationship between the goat and the main lead has come out beautifully. Keep creating stories!|
|5||Publishing||Ashley Bohnenberge||The Super-Drop||I was having fun at an amusement park with my friends, but one particular ride changed my experience.||Wow! Hats off to this young author! This story impresses you on so many levels. There is a good plot. The character of main protagonist has been developed really well. Most importantly, the emotions of the central lead in this story have been depicted brilliantly. In addition, the author has also been successful to keep the attention of the readers till the end of the story. And, this, according to me, is the real success of this story. The story deals with the theme of 'conquering your fear' and has been successful in depicting the same. The author has a great future ahead and he should continuously pursue his dream of becoming a well-known writer.|
|6||Publishing||Anika Noby Moolan||The Fist of Greed & The Face of Tr||In a world recovering from natural disaster, 13-year-old Mikah Costor spent the last year and a half earning herself a nasty reputation for her sister's sake. When the opportunity arises for Mikah to discover her sister's hidden truth, what will she find?||This story really touched my heart. The story shows how some people stuck at being emotional, and this emotionality affects their own self-awareness. This is what happens to the central lead of this story. Mikah, a 13 years old girl, is the main protagonist of this tale. While elder sister of Mikah abandoned her family in a time of great distress, Mikah was not willing to believe the same. She cannot hear anything bad about her sister and will fight with anybody who tries to defame her sister. And, when she finds out the bitter truth at the end, she realises her mistake and takes responsibility of her own life. This is a beautifully narrated tale and contains almost all the elements that a good story should have. The central plot is good. The characters have been sketched well, the language is fluent, and the emotions of the characters have been depicted brilliantly. What I liked most in this story is its ending. It is the ending that touches your heart in an unexplainable manner. Enjoyed reading this tale.|
|7||Publishing||Heather Qin||Save Me||A beautiful American girl travels to Syria to meet Alia, an orphaned child of war. As the truth of their worlds is unraveled, the girls begin to save each other from the fates that they were bound to.||This story introduces us to two girls – one from the war torn country Syria and another from the perfect nation called America. Through this story, the author has tried to bring into focus the contrast between a war torn country and a developed nation. This story depicts the events when these two girls meet with each other. I really liked the central theme of this story and without any doubt I can say that it is a brilliantly written story. The writing is beautiful. The narration is lucid. The language is flowery and flows smoothly throughout the story. The story has been written in such a way that it forces the attention of the readers. Such a deep thinking at such a young age is really incredible. This talent deserves to be nourished systematically.|
|8||Publishing||Heather Qin||Artificial||Bound by beliefs and lies, an artificial human unravels who she is amidst a crucial time of her life.||This is a tale that is filled with brilliant imaginations. The author takes the readers into this beautifully imagined world and allows the readers to live visually through his poetic writing. The language used for writing this story has a lyrical beauty in it. The story connects with the readers and captures, direct and sustain their attention till the last line. This shows that the author is a natural writer and knows the art of story-telling. What I liked most in this story is the way the author discusses the so-called deep philosophical things. The author surely deserves a round of claps only for that. Without a doubt, if groomed properly, the author will go much ahead in his writing career.|
|9||Publishing||Ankita Karuturi||Unordinary||Adam is an ordinary kid until something unordinary happens to him.||This is the story of Adam, an ordinary boy. The story has been narrated in first person in the voice of main lead Adam. The author here has tried to include each and everything in this little story, which makes reading this story fun. There are funny moments but there is sadness too. There is action and there are emotions too. I loved the way the author has tried to make a balance between these two. Most importantly, the story certainly has a plot that grips the readers leading them to keep reading. In addition to the main character of Adam, there are a number of other characters that readers will care about. In other words, enough attention has been given to develop these characters. The plot, the setting, the characterisation, the conflict and the climax all have been done with a certain quality and we should appreciate the efforts of the author.|
|10||Publishing||Nico Roman Cordonier-Gehring||Street Art Nature Magic||In this urban myth, a secretive young street artist activates his own creativity, magnificent murals and a touch of magic, inspiring an entire generation through an epic struggle to save his city and the world's most vulnerable, threatened living creatures from destruction.||This piece of writing blew me away. It is difficult to believe that this is written at such a young age. The story is raw and authentic in its storytelling. One can see fantastic descriptions of imagery throughout the story. The author has a great command not only over the language, but also over vocabulary. This story reads like a lyrical poem and has been successful in delivering the message the author wanted to deliver. The story shows that the author has a deep understanding of complicated philosophical things. This piece of writing, according to me, will certainly resonate with the readers. There is a writing talent who will go much ahead in his writing career.|
|11||Publishing||Muse B Johnson||Everything you imagine is real||When Tommy arrives at Michelle’s school, will she see him or only his disability?||The story is a poignant tale of Tommy who is suffering from some sort of disability. I liked the central theme of this story and also liked the way the story reaches to the conclusion at the end. Characters have been sketched out well and the story has a good pace. One improvement, according to me, could be to provide more information to the readers or giving some more details. This would have helped in grasping the events described in the story in a better way. This would have also helped in making the story more appealing. I would also have loved to see inclusion of some more emotional elements. This is a sad story and the story should be able to create emotions in the hearts of the readers.|
|12||Publishing||Brenna Nichols||On the Streets of Washington||Emily and Oliver had a nice life...until everything was turned upside down. Can they put it all back together again?||‘On the Streets of Washington’ is a tale about two children who lost their parents. The characters have been developed well and dialogues are also impressive. The story begins well but somehow losses its charm on the way. Additionally, the story moves really fast in the end. The pace at this juncture could have been slowed down to give readers a chance to comprehend the events that are taking place in the story. I am not saying that the events are incomprehensible. They are comprehensible but slowing down the events at this moment would have made the story more enjoyable.|
|13||Publishing||Quimby Owens||Thirty-Five Pages||A young woman from India named Adhira comes to America and meets a girl named Annie- and an entirely new culture.||The story under review deals with a complicated subject – the clash of different cultures. This cultural conflict occurs when different cultural values and beliefs clash. Even senior authors find it hard to write about this sort of conflict and this young author has written on the same with such an ease. Hats off to her! The author has not only managed to tackle a difficult subject, but also have been managed to keep things funny at certain places. Turning our attention to the story, we find the story sails smoothly. The narration is good and different characters have also emerged out well. While the author has good command over language, dialogues required a slight improvement. I also liked the way the story has ended. This ending has both sarcasm and a message.|
|14||Publishing||Sophie Corry||Blue to Green||Nadia is normal. Or at least tries to be. But the truth is she's not like everyone else, and she hates it with a burning passion. What might happen if she loses control?||This is a poignant tale of a girl called Nadia. The story is a character-driven and, therefore, major space has been given to the voice of Nadia. Consequently the character of Nadia has become a lovable character and readers will definitely fall for her. At the same time, this is a sad tale but the story lacks the basic elements of emotions. The author has been unsuccessful in evoking the emotions. The story also lacked a tight structure because of which the story loses its grip in the middle. Tight structuring is crucial for any story and the author should have clearly stated the events in place of randomly placing them here and there. The story, however, makes a strong come back at the end.|
|15||Publishing||Alexandra Adams||Sun||The sun is dying. The people of earth must evacuate…||Science fiction is one of the most creative genres of literature and not an easy genre to write. The person venturing into writing science fiction should have a proper understanding of science and technology, essential components for writing any science fiction. Therefore, this story pleasantly surprised me as the author of this story has accomplished a difficult task successfully. This story has all the ingredients that a science fiction should have. We find the use of both science and technology in this fictional tale. I didn’t look for the scientific accuracy as it is difficult to achieve at such a young age. Whatever I have found in this piece of writing overall left a nice impression on me. The story takes us into future world where the sun is going to explode and people residing on the earth have to evacuate the earth for their survival. Characters are well developed, language is easy to follow, the pace is steady and the story forces the readers to visualize the events happening in the story. The ending, however, could have been better.|
|16||Publishing||Noah Oh||Coal||When Santa is sick, an elf is tasked with delivering presents to all the greedy little children of the world.||'Coal' is an imaginative tale that could have been executed in a better way. However, the story impresses you on many levels and throws light on the natural talent of the author. For example, the author has a good command over language and his vocabulary is also strong. The story also moves forward with a nice pace. Effective use of details too adds a certain charm to the story. The things that could have been improved upon include character development, inclusion of some surprising elements and the climax. The climax could certainly have been much better.|
|17||Publishing||Natalie Choi||Whale Song||A young girl goes on a voyage to find her missing father and finds herself along the way.||The story tells us the tale of a girl who is trying to discover herself. Her father is dead and she is continuously missing her presence. It was nice to see a young author trying to write about a difficult topic- self-discovery. The readers get a glimpse of this girl’s struggle and those events which led to this behaviour. The story has a nice pace and, in fact, the author has done really well in this front. The author has a good grip over language. The character of the main lead is developed well and readers will definitely like her. Inclusion of little bit more background information would have made this story more relatable. The story keeps the attention of the readers till the end. However, the ending could have been slightly better, according to me. Overall, it is a well-written story and required a bit more context to be more relatable.|
|18||Publishing||Olivia A. Duke.||Five Minutes and Thirty-Nine Seconds||Through a sister's eyes, we see seventeen year old Antonio Vasquez on trial for the murder of Meredith Kleif.||This is an interesting piece of writing. The story has been told from the point of view of a girl whose brother is on trial for a murder. It is a really well thought out story about family and relationships. While the central theme of this story was a complex one to deal with, the author has dealt the same with ease. It was also nice to see that enough attention was paid to the development of the main lead of this story. The story begins well, flows smoothly and ends satisfactorily. A slightly more attention to the inclusion of the elements of emotionality could have made this story more enjoyable. Overall, it is a well sketched story that will certainly impress readers all over the world.|
|19||Publishing||Eva Beauchamp||The Beat of Life||What is daily life on the streets like?||‘The Beat of Life’ tries to depict the life of a beggar on the streets. The story is a well-crafted one and could have been better with slight modification in plot and narrative style. At certain portions, the author sounds too clinical and tries to follow a set pattern. My advice to her will be to express your views freely without any boundaries. This will help her becoming a better writer. She will find a unique way to express her voice. The author, in this story, takes the readers into her imaginary world and allows the readers to visualise the scenes through her words. This shows that the author knows the art of story-telling. On top of that, the way the deep things have been dealt in this story is a great achievement. If groomed properly, the author will go much ahead in her writing career.|
|20||Publishing||Soumya Shenoy||FAMILY||Jenna has lived in the orphanage her whole life, the only thing that made it bearable, was that her best friend Alex was by her side, but when change comes knocking Jenna receives it with mixed emotions.||Through this story, the author has tried to depict the life of a boy who is living in an orphanage. It is a well-written story and takes the readers right into the world of this boy. One sees effective use of dialogues at appropriate places. This is a character driven story and the entire focus has been given to this boy. However, at the same time, the inner thoughts of this boy could have been dealt in a better manner. There is another important character (a girl) in this story and this character plays a very important role. Enough attention should have been paid in the development of this character too. Also, some scenes needed to be stitched more smoothly. Overall, it was really nice to read this story which was full of emotions.|
|21||Publishing||Tristan Bogler||A Flat in Piccadilly||A man sinks into despair following a crippling accident||The title of this story gives you an impression that it is a detective story. However, it is not. It is the story of a man who is gradually sinking into despair after a crippling accident. There are two main characters in the story and both of these have been developed well. I really liked the way the author has portrayed the character of the nurse. Giving some nonchalance to her character, according to me, was a masterstroke. The story could have used a bit more exploration into why the central lead ended up killing himself in the end. The author also could have evoked more empathy and emotion for the central lead. Overall, the story leaves a good impression on you.|
|22||Publishing||Neer Jain||The Inanimate Support Group||A unique support group for inanimate objects where all are treated alike and have one thing in common- they belong to the rich and famous.||The story in question is a fascinating tale that deals with the proceedings of a unique support group for inanimate objects. While the idea presented in this tale is having a uniqueness of its own, the execution of the same could have been better. You feel that the story one way or another loses its way in the middle and then never picks up. In other words, the message that the author wanted to convey through this tale somehow gets lost. The author needs to work a little bit on developing the plot. However, don’t get disappointed by these comments. The attempt is good and certainly deserves an appreciation. And, most importantly, keep writing and you will find the missing links in your writing soon.|
|23||Publishing||Evangeline Joy Flynn||The Tale of the Three Sisters||When Arabella breaks new ground with a mind-boggling invention, one result she did not anticipate was for it to disappear!||The story, depicting the relationship of three sisters, is a tale that could have been executed in a better way. While it was a nicely thought out theme, the conflict between the characters could have been more believable. One also finds the lack of surprising elements in the story. Consequently the story becomes predictable. The overall pace of the story is steady throughout and the author definitely knows the art of writing. Keep writing, you will definitely get better.|
|24||Publishing||Bridget Hedinger||Thank God for Paige||When something unexpected happened, life took a turn for the worse. Emily feels like God is punishing her and she longs to know what is going to happen next.||This is the story of a girl Emily who is suffering from the loss of her father. On top of that, a girl is bullying her in her new school. Then suddenly a girl called Paige comes into her life and things start to take a better turn finally. The story mainly focuses on the relationship of these two girls and the aspect of bullying in schools. Though the aspect of bullying gets highlighted, the relationship between the two girls remains under the surface. There is no doubt that it is a well-conceived story but the story lacks elements of emotions. The characters too have not been developed well. Inclusion of emotional elements would have given some life to these characters. While the story begins well, it becomes predictable after some time. The author certainly needs to work more on character development and also the use of dialogues.|
|25||Publishing||Ankur Kumar||Robosapiens||Imagine a world 70 years from now, when robots have intelligence, human like appearances and emotions. Its up to humans to decide, are robots machines, humans or Robosapiens?||The story deals with the concept of artificial intelligence. This is nothing new as a number of authors have already dealt with this topic. However, the author deserves appreciation for the manner he dealt with the subject. Overall, the story leaves a good impression on you and throws ample light on the writing talent of the author. Now, let us turn our attention to the aspects that could have been better. While the author has tried his best to give a thrilling touch to this story by maintaining a grim tension throughout the story, this somehow feels less powerful. There is action but execution of these actions scenes could have been better. And, ending could have been more powerful.|
|26||Publishing||Niharika Thuppanna||True Friend||As the title of the story suggests, this story is all about true friendship. Who should be considered as a true friend? The story tries to answer this question. The story has been plotted well and flows smoothly. The central lead of this story has also been paid due attention and readers will definitely fall for her. Her inner turmoil has been painted with fine brush. However, but you find lacking here is the lack of some well-written dialogues. Inclusion of these dialogues could have enhanced the quality of the story further. Additionally, while the story is an emotional one and there are a number of emotional scenes, readers do not feel those emotions at certain places. The author certainly needs to work on writing such emotional scenes. Overall, it was a good attempt by the author.|
|27||Publishing||Macy Lubak||The Hitichiti: A Unisol Story||The
eight Hitichiti have existed from the beginning of time. The youngest one is
Unisol, protector of space. She has always lived in space away from people.
Her only company had been the wonders of the sky: the stars, planets, and
In the past people have looked up and studied the sky but they don’t anymore. Unisol decided one day that she would bring people away from their screens and back to the beautiful sky. If she succeeds humanity will maybe put down their phones and appreciate the beauty above them, or humanity will forever look at their screens and never notice natural beauty again.
|Using mythology to write a well-woven tale is not an easy task. And, I am happy to say that this difficult task has been accomplished successfully by this young author. This story has all the makings of a great mythological fiction. The author has beautifully personified all the eight mythological figures within the writing. Each mythological figure has its own unique personality that makes them almost human. In other words, the essence of these mythological figures has been captured beautifully. The author has a good command over language and I found the use of vocabulary spot on. One also notices fantastic descriptions of imagery. The two things that could have worked further on are ending of the story and the pace of narration. A little improvement in these aspects would have enhanced the quality of this story.|
|28||Publishing||Maya Roseboro||nobody||Kelsea is nobody. Nothing. Average. She lives a normal life in her normal house with her normal family and goes to a normal high school. A perfectly normal, fine, okay girl. Until her dad dies.||This story touches you in a different way and it is difficult to explain that feeling. The story is about Kelsea, a normal girl studying in a normal school. The narration of the story has been done in first person and I really liked this approach of narrating this story. It is a well-written tale and takes the readers right into the world of this girl. The character of this girl has been developed in such a way that readers get to know both her outer and inner look. At the same time, you feel that the thoughts coming in girl's mind could have been explored more. Dialogues have been used at perfect places. The topic dealt in this story is not an easier one to write but the author has done a very good job. The pacing of the story could have been better and different scenes could have been stitched in a better way.|
|29||Publishing||Eva Beauchamp||The Stone||There is a mysterious jade stone that holds legendary powers...does it actually work?||The story revolves around a stone having magical powers. While the concept has been used a numerous times by a number of authors all over the world already, I loved the way the young author tried to weave her imagination in the form of this story. Eva is a very good writer but she needs to work on the pace of the story. She has a good grasp of details and knows how to write good dialogues. Some of the descriptions in the story were really impressive. Overall, the story leaves a very good impression on you. Keep working as you are having a great writing career ahead of you.|
|Rank||Prize||Contestant's Name||Story Title||Story Synopsis||Judges' Feedback|
|1||$500 Cash Prize
|Jordan Nelson||Dear Rosemarie||Translated correspondence between a young Jewish boy and his older sister were discovered in Poland just last year. The letters tell the tale of an innocent child becoming a man through loss, hunger, and loneliness in the ghettos of the Holocaust. With an unknown last name, siblings David and Rosemarie convey the strongest of family bonds throughout their time of suffering in those merciless years of agony. Unfortunately, Rosemarie’s voice is silent during these four gateways into 1941, and David doesn’t know what to assume.||This is heartbreaking. You captured the voice of David beautifully. You felt his hope in the beginning, felt it erode in the middle, and felt it vanish by the end. Very well written, poignant, and a great idea. A couple of things to consider - not sure if the people in the ghettoes knew about what happened at Auschwitz or the other camps. It doesn't matter for your story, but you might like to find out. A few word choices and construction of a few sentences can be looked at.|
|Max Dreyfuss||The Narrative Traveler||In a badly written story, one character prefers to stay at the beginning where the plot can't touch him. One day, he ventures forward in time to the end of the tale. All he's planning to do is grab a few snacks and return, but in a story as terrible as his, nothing is ever that simple...||This is a fabulous little story - very clever. Great concept of the protagonist - a really great original idea, and there are some great touches in here too. The writing style was very good. One thing to consider - the story could have been a bit longer and more fleshed out.|
|Huda Haque||Backpacks||A teenager revisits memories before tragedy by observing backpacks, leading her to a powerful realization.||Evocative and emotionally charged, this story is heartbreaking. What a great way to provide glimpse into people's personalities. The backpack concept was lovely - a definite reflection on current events. Things to consider: the ending could have been a little stronger and less "preachy" sounding. Also, some of the cliches could be tweaked.|
|4||Publishing||Huda Haque||Lidia's Letter||Every 18 year old receives a letter from their future self on their birthday. What happens when you don't get one?||This is a fantastically unique idea, and very executed too. Excellent work. Good pace and structure to the tale too. SO creative! Well written, clear story line, and gets you attached to the characters quickly. With such a wonderful idea, the story can be explored more to do full justice with the idea.|
|5||Publishing||Elliot Hui||We Are Free.||Meir vows to protect his younger brother in the face of Nazi captivity. If guns are louder than words and defiance is struck down by fear, what can set them free?||A very powerful story. The descriptions are very tangible and heartbreaking. You did an excellent job putting the reader in the world of the story right from the beginning. I felt claustrophobic with the characters being transported. The description of the crows in the trees was excellent. It was confusing though how he has a radio/ phone... Would those things ever make it past Nazi guards. For historical fiction, the viability of an idea is very important. Also, the language is a little overdone at times with a questionable word choices.|
|6||Publishing||Charlotte Flynn||Colorblind||This is a story about two kids of different races facing struggles because they are friends. They try to search for hope because people do not accept their biracial friendship.||The parallelism in the first paragraph is great. The descriptions of color are beautiful, and I love how you define the boy first as light and not as a color. The line "I am still praying" was very moving. It was great how you talk about the boy almost being like his father but choosing to fight it. Thing to consider : Make it more like story, less like someone commenting about people they knew.|
|7||Publishing||Jona David Cordonier-Gehring||Earth as Home||To view the Earth from space is now mandatory in the school curriculum. On their ISS field trip, two boy scientists make friends while learning how innovation helped their world to narrowly avoid a disastrous climate emergency. But at this key crossroads for humanity, other beings may be watching... if the boys have truly understood the importance of taking responsibility for their precious and fragile home, can their fresh insights and innovations also unlock the secrets of the stars?||Great mix of current affairs and sci-fi. It's a timely cautionary tale. The descriptions are very lush in this story. Things to consider: Ending is little abrupt and a bit confusing. Is this what happened with the narrator and Edward grew up and became scientists themselves? It makes you feel like two stories put together.|
|8||Publishing||Anuksha Ram Madhan||Loose Morales||As the ferocious Commander Morales Stools, leader of the strongest army in all the kingdoms, prepared for the most important battle of his life, he had hoped for no mishaps. Alas, life was cruel and complications arose. Commander Stools was soon to find out that nature had its own plans for him...plans, that would bring the unbreakable military leader to his knees. [Proper Entry]||First, the title is gold. Second, this was hilarious but not overdone. For potty humor, this was actually wonderful and completely unexpected. This story is refreshing, well-written, and surprisingly funny. The author handles point of view and timesteps very well, which is a hard skill. Thing to consider: the story could use more setup.|
Yes, it's true. I dig through garbage cans scavenging for food, clothes, or whatever else I can get my hands on. I sleep on the streets.
Here are two things about me that you have to know:
1. All I've ever dreamed about was having a mother. My own mother died when I was very young, but I faintly remember little things about her.
2. I'm a child."
|After reading the story, a reader will surely hope Bea adopts him! The descriptions in this story are childlike in a lovely, tone-appropriate way. This story is very sweet, and the writing is great! It has a great opening and nice closing. Thing to consider: Could have done with a clearer narrative arc though.|
|10||Publishing||Camille S. Campbell||The Eagle's Miracle||"The Eagle’s Miracle” follows the story of a Native American violinist who aspires to audition for Julliard, but one fateful day may shatter her dreams forever. Can her heritage help her overcome her struggles?||Descriptions are beautiful. The cultural references are good. Story keeps reader interested till end. Thing to consider: This could've been taken further into a full magical realism story--that would've actually made it more believable for the reader. There isn't enough to support the plot in this story. The moment of salvation is a touch random, and the narrative arc suffered as a consequence.|
good effort, but need more to completely hook your readers - you need to give
a bit more. Love this: "She pats away blemishes on her skin like
she’s erasing mistakes." However, this line is a little too obvious: "Lilah is just another lovestruck teenager with a
broken life at home and nowhere to escape." It's not necessary and sounds like excess summary. This is BEAUTIFUL: "The year flies by like a flock of doves, gently and
all at once" and I absolutely love the ending. Overall this is a lovely story.
|12||Publishing||Resli Ward||Clear||Kate is a regular girl who wakes up on a regular morning in her regular bed in her regular house. But something isn't quite regular ...||The premise is very good here and the twist at the end works well. The writing itself was a little clumsy at times making it difficult to follow the story. Watch out for repeating phrases and cliches. Instead replace those with original metaphors and a variety of phrases to convey the severity of the situation. Your character's mood escalates too quickly to panic for very little reason. If you do it slower it will give your piece more tension|
|13||Publishing||Katie Scala||Baby Blue Bird||While waiting to meet her baby brother, a little girl tells a nurse a story and teaches a lesson of love.||This
is lovely - can bring a tear to reader's eye!
Beautifully insightful, and really nicely written. This sentence was
great: "the white sparkle
went down his face. It looked like a shooting star". The voice of the little girl is so sweet. You handled a very sad story in a lovely and thought-provoking way. things to consider: It did perhaps confuse a couple of times. The story is also little too explanitary - allow the nurse to feel and think for herself a little more.
|14||Publishing||Teagan Durkin||Hobbledehoy||Hobbledehoy: a clumsy or awkward youth. Quince, distressed and disoriented after a disastrous breakup, is somewhat interestingly comforted by his friend Campbell. Through an attempted kidnapping. And a bonfire.||This seems like a scene from a very quirky and dramatic teen tv show--but not in a bad way. Keep practicing and READING and your writing will get stronger. Plot was greatl, but the writing made it a bit hard to follow. There were a few little mistakes too.|
|15||Publishing||Eliana J. Pettigrew||Being A Fangirl Will Save Your Life||An unwilling girl is dragged to a book release camp-out for a series she hates by her friend Christee. When things take a mysterious turn, she must rely on Christee's enthusiastic knowledge of the book series to survive what has escalated into an unbelievable scenario. Opinions will change, friendships will be strengthened, possible celebrities will be hugged, and giant cereal will threaten the girls on their adventure!||It's
hard to understand how they were told the book would be available the next
day, then remember it's going to be Sunday. That was a bit improbable. This
is a fun idea though, and it is every reader's fantasy to be thrown into the
world of their favorite book.
Despite a few quirky issues with sentence structure and transitions,the story came out good - imaginative with great characters. With some work, this could actually become a longer story. It had humor and believability (Christee was priceless in her obsession).
|16||Publishing||Emily Sun||Look Up||From the hands of two factory workers to the tense air between a father and daughter, to the surgical table of a marine laboratory intern, a mundane balloon floats its way through the world, though the connections it holds are anything but.||This is a well written short, especially the time hops which are hard to do. A great message coming through too. Is the birthday girl the intern? That would be a good twist and have a big impact. This is a good reflection on the environment and the vignettes are handled well. There was some unnecessary repetition, questionable word choices, and issues with paragraph structure.|
|17||Publishing||Arria Haigler||Evergreen||Maybe you get what you ask for, and at some point, you should just stop asking.||You have to LOVE the narrator: "I tried to teach Gio left from right once. And now he thinks North and up are the same." so good. This is a lovely story. Be careful with how you jump around in time, it can be confusing.|
|18||Publishing||Thea Tinker-Avitabile||The People You Leave B||A sudden traumatic incident turns Eli's life around and she turns to her friend Colin. Will she be able to move on, or will she stay stuck on it forever?||Wonderful story. Don't over-embellish things, though; there can be too much symbolism and it can start to feel forced. It was great that Colin had come to grieve with her rather than comforting her, that's a good moment. The dialogue between them and her hitting him - it was such a real, raw scene. There could have been a little more to the story but overall it was very real and good. Could have done with more back-story on the accident. Author needs more transitions in some spots to help the reader follow the story better. A lot of editing is needed.|
|19||Publishing||Rachel Berger||Wings||Tragic circumstances transform a young, troubled girl’s life.||LOVELY introductory descriptions. Great line: "I struggled to find a cause for my sadness as I cried"--such a relatable feeling. This is a beautiful magical realism story. Thing to consider: a few structural issues with sentencing.|
|20||Publishing||Rhea Bajwa||Reflections||We've all heard of the classic fairy tale of Snow White but what do we know of the evil mirror? Was he always evil or was he only a poor slave desperate for love?||What an interesting take on the story! I loved reading the mirror's side! I do wish that it hadn't all been in italics though as it did make it hard to read. Overall though very entertaining, and I love the idea of writing about small characters in the fairy tale!|
|21||Publishing||Allison (Ally) Johans||We All Fall Down||Amèe, a young princess, finds her life taking a turn for the worse as her younger brother sits on a throne that is much too big for him. Meanwhile, the kingdom, as well as the royal family, are experiencing the horrors of the Black Death.||The opening line draws reader in immediately. Good to see these siblings being so young and taking on so much responsibility so easily. As a reader you wouldn't expect it to turn into everyone just dying--a reader may like to see these siblings succeed together as three young people--especially the girls now that they have to step up since the patriarchal heir to the throne fell sick. Lots of potential and strong opening. The time jumps are handled well too. Great changes in pace and emotion. Things to consider: I found issues with sentence structure and word choice. The most overwhelming problem was that the story was told (telling vs showing).|
|22||Publishing||seren rifat||When my father became my hero||This
line is beautiful: "Old age slipped my grandma underneath its
tongue and left her with heart problems and a paralysed leg."thing to consider: the last line weakened the story. Show us he's a hero rather than saying it so bluntly. It doesn't match the story. The writing was a little confused in places, which sucked the tension away.
|23||Publishing||Tia Mummau||Demon of the Mind||A farmer finds himself following the orders of a sinister and mysterious stranger leading him down a path of no return.||This story could have stronger writing, and doing lot of reading can help author improve that. The writing is almost there but has a bit further to go before it is great. The story's actual plot was great. The parallels to mental health are great, and it definitely illustrates how depression and other diseases can overtake the mind.|
|24||Publishing||Karuna Chandran||The Street Urchin||First her sister didn't call, then her mother didn't show up for brunch. Bethany starts to wonder why everything is so messed up.||This story has a good underlying premise, but be very careful tackling homelessness and terrorism lightly. You don't want to seem like you don't take those things seriously. The point of the story is hope, handling needs to be more delicate. The narrative arc don't quite grab the reader. There were common errors with sentence and paragraph construction. Some of the dialogue contradicted itself, but overall it was a solid story with a plot.||25||Publishing||Devanshi Bhargava||Unordinary||After his mother dies as a result of a rising epidemic, teenager Lucas is forced to grow up quickly. But when his younger brother Sam shows signs of being "unordinary", leading the authorities right to their front door, it's up to Lucas to get them to safety. Can he become the reliable elder brother his parents always wanted him to be?||Good beginning to a longer story. It is also well written, and a clever little sci-fi piece for such a short story.Good theme of family in this story. Reader is a little confused about the disease and what made Sam glich--to make this work as a short story we need more information around that. Not clear if MC was male or female (it could have easily been a girl with boy's name). The ending left too much in the air.|
|26||Publishing||Michael Sovyn||The Summoner||The perplexing, wondrous HappyTime Summoner, capable of sensing brain emotions, has captivated teenage boy Robbie Joe. Could this machine possibly fulfill RJ's desires?||Great twist at the end. You should have taken a little more time setting up the story. Also, more descriptions would have helped. Geting inside RJ's head a little more would have helped. This seems like a chapter of a bigger dystopian novel.|
|27||Publishing||Nishta Nandakumar||Debris||Rising tensions during the Cold War leave both America and the Soviet Union on edge. What will happen when a young American boy is thrown into this mess that turns into nuclear war?||GREAT opening paragraph. However, the plot could have been developed more. It felt a bit rushed, and the writing weakened over the span of the story. The last part was a bit of a cliché, when there was opportunity to make the story end on a strong note the way that it started.|
|28||Publishing||Megan Dustin||I Find Peace In The Rain||Dahlia is devastated by the death of her beloved grandmother. She goes through the five stages of grief and learns to cope with the pain of losing a loved one.||This is a sweet story about grief, and a reader definitely can identify with the narrator. The descriptions were vivid, especially in the first section. Overall a good story. The language is quite heavy though, and unfortunately, there is not enough purpose in the tale.|